LOVE
The foundation of your marriage should be based on love. The main reason for the two of you coming together as one should be because you are both in love and so wished to spend the rest of your lives together. Any other reason should take the back seat.
With love in your heart for your spouse you will be ready to weather the storm with them. With love in your heart for your spouse, you can scale through hurdles, climb mountains for their sakes and be ready to make so much sacrifices just to see them happy.
COMMITMENT
Your determination to make things work in your marriage, how much you are committed to the course and to the vow you made to stick together through thick and thin will determine how strong your marriage would overcome the storm you are going to face together.
If you get married with the mind of running away when things get tough, that's exactly what's going to happen because things would definitely get tough at one time or the other. It's not just about the vows you made at the altar but your determination to hold on no matter what life may throw your way. Your determination to keep loving your spouse even when they aren't at their best and hoping in your heart they will change for better.
Commitment in marriage must be mutual, if it's one sided then it won't work; as a spouse is doing everything within his/her power to make things work, the other may be trying to break off. Commitment makes you overlook a lot of your partner's wrongs and flaws, it makes forgiving them easier.
COMMUNICATION
Communication is very important in any relationship, infact, it can be described as the life blood of every relationship as couples must talk. Couples who do not communicate often won't know each other let alone understand themselves. Communication enhances understanding, it keeps you two together and keep you going.
You have got to talk to your spouse often. Talk to them about everything, how your day was, what's going on in your life, your work, your fears, desires and everything generally. Your spouse should be your best friend who you can talk to about anything, no lies and no hidden secrets. Couples that communicate often sticks together and are always seen as inseparable.
UNDERSTANDING
Another factor that is important to the success of a marriage is understanding between couple, for how shall two people walk together unless they agree? It would be like two people speaking in two different languages that the other does not understand. Understanding brings agreement. And for understanding to take place, effective communication must be in place.
Understanding your spouse doesn't mean knowing everything about them but more about understanding who they are, how they reasons, their uniqueness, character, attitudes and how they behave in certain situations. It's about knowing their good and bad sides, their flaws and imperfections and how best to cope with them that way.
Understanding your spouse should have started when you both were still dating, from there you would have noticed their flaws and imperfections and if you can cope or not. These are part of what you should have considered before you decided to marry them, that is, considering if their imperfections are what you can help them overcome and how you can successfully live with them as they are. It's never about trying to change them to what you want or what you think may be good for them but helping them to be at their best and loving them the way the are.
Understanding helps prevent conflicts in your marriage. It gives each spouse the ability to know how the other spouse reasons thereby helping to minimise conflicts.
ENDURANCE
How much are you ready to endure and to groan for marriage at times can be a groaning experience.It's no bed of roses.Everyday in marriage isn't Christmas. You both are going to face some challenges but your commitments to the course and your ability to endure the pains will make you scale through.
TOLERANCE
Tolerance is a mixture of understanding and commitment. How committed you are to the marriage and how much you understand your spouse will give you the power you need to tolerate them. You must be ready to tolerate their shortcomings.
The fact is, there is no when your spouse won't do things that will frustrate or angered you either deliberately or mistakenly, you just have to learn to tolerate them.That's the exact way you too at times frustrates them without knowing.
FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is very important to any long lasting relationship. If you can't forgive and forget, you can't successfully live together because you will keep referring to their past sins. Of course, it's not that easy to forgive a spouse that hurt or betrayed your trust but forgive them you must if you are keen on making your marriage work. Forgiving your spouse is necessary especially when they are remorseful and are deeply sorry for their actions, although there are some sins that wouldn't be so easy to forgive.
To make forgiveness easier for you, promise yourself in your heart to always forgive your spouse even before they offend you. You can make this promise in your heart without letting them know so as not to be taken for granted or bring a situation whereby the spouse will be using that to commit all sort of atrocities, knowing full well that they would always be forgiven.
Forgiving people at times is not about them but more about you; to let go of the pain and find peace within yourself. To continue to hold grudge against your spouse when they hurt you could lead to hatred and hatred traps you in the past. It can make you behave irrational and make wrong decisions. Better to forgive and move on.
A person who can't forgive can't peacefully cohabit with others. He or she is going to be a bitter soul holding grudges against everyone!
MONEY
Many people believe money is one of the core factors that makes a marriage work but it is not. But the lack of money is capable of breaking a marriage. Your marriage won't work if all it has in it is just money. Some would say with money comes love. Yes, money at times could buy love but a temporal one at that, sooner or later that marriage will come crumbling. Abundance of money in a marriage without other factors can't hold the union for long just the same way lack of money without other factors would break it.
SEX
Sex is one factor that is very important in marriage, but it's not one of the most important factors that makes a marriage work even though lack of it can break a marriage.
Sex is a mean by which couple communicate their emotional desires and it should be fantastic but the truth is, that you and your spouse are always having mind blowing sex does not in any way guarantee that your marriage will work unless other factors are present.
Couple inability to satisfy each other sexually could lead to serious conflict except they are both mature enough to handle it wisely. This is another area where understanding and communication come to play. You have got to understand your spouse here and communicate your needs. Tell them what you want and how you want it and never assume they should know. Make them understand your sexual needs and be ready to satisfy them too.
So many marriages crashed due to couples incompatibility in the bedroom especially if they have both refused do something about it or if no lasting solution has been found. Difference in libido or sexual urges without effective communication and understanding from both could lead to cheating, and infidelity in marriage is one common reason why we now have so many divorce cases. In this case, the reason for the difference should be sorted. It could be due to stress, the nature of the couple's work or just the way the spouses are.The right solution should be found or at most, seek the help of a therapist.
Even when couple are there for each other and are always having the best of sex, a partner that wants to cheat will still go out to cheat, reason why I said having good sex alone is not enough to hold a marriage but lack of it has the power of breaking it if it's not well handled.
Finally, Pray! Pray often and pray together. Couple that pray together stays together. Let the Almighty that ordained the first marriage be the head of your home and direct your steps.
Remember it is what you put in you will get out. If you put in love, commitment, communication, understanding and consider other important factors in your marriage, you are going to get out a successful and blissful marital life. A successful marriage is about two people who don't quite fit but somehow work around it and make it fit and it fits perfectly!
-Alasake
This is a very lovely piece and I agree with virtually on all the points made here but the foundation b of love lies in intimacy, passion and commitment. Money if not a core factor, why is it capable of breaking a marriage? Money and sex are by and large the 2 most sensitve, if not core factors. And you wil agree with me that most divorce is as a result of lack or inadequate of both or either of the two when endurance and tolerance are at zero.
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