Several factors can make couples to fight and disagree, the main ones include:
MONEY
Money has been observed to be one of the major causes of conflict among couples. The lack or abundance of it or when it's not being effectively managed. Couple can fight over their finances especially when what's available is not sufficient or when they don't have an agreeable financial budget.
It's advisable for couples to make long term financial plans. And most especially when children are involved, so as to minimize the stress of parenting and make life easier for the family as a whole. Also since the economy is not predictable and anything can happen, whatever is available should be effectively managed and plans made for the future.
To prevent couple fighting over their finances, they are to mutually come up with a financial budget that best suit their pockets. If you want your love life to be balanced, you have got to keep your finances balanced too.
WORK
The type of work the couple does can also bring about disagreements of some sort. When a spouse's job is much time consuming making him or her not to have enough time for the other spouse and the kids. This could create in them the feelings of being less important than the spouse's job.
The solution is for couple to understand each other, the nature of their work and decide on what is best for them and the family. They should out of their busy schedules create time to hang out or have night dates. Take your family on vacations when you can and set aside a deliberate time to connect and have fun with your spouse.
HOUSEHOLD CHORES
Household chores is another reason some couples fight. The arguments over who does what. This mostly happened when couple haven't specified whose responsibility it is to perform certain house chores or simply when a spouse is keeping score; when a spouse refuse to take responsibility but wait for the other spouse to come get it done. It could also arise as a result of too much expectations on a spouse to perform certain responsibilities.
In the African marriage setting, most household chores such as cleaning, cooking, laundry etc are seen as the responsibilities of the woman while the man is to be the breadwinner, to provide and protect his family and help out at home when the need arises. The solution is for couple to specify who does what but most especially see themselves as a team (not in anyway competing) and help each other out.
FAMILY MEMBERS OR THIRD PARTY
The influences of a third party in form of family or friends in your marriage could bring chaos If care is not taken. Third party should be put where they belong and shouldn't be allowed to interfere with your marriage except when necessary. At times, a family member or friend could have such a powerful influence over a spouse to the extend that the other spouse feel threatened.
Too much involvement of a third party in your marriage could get your spouse jealous or start to feel they are not fully in possession of you, it could make them to feeling you are being shared, giving them the feelings of the marriage being controlled by the third party.
CHILDREN AND PARENTING
Parenting is one hell of hard work especially to those who haven't had such experience before........the screams, the unkempt house, waking up at night to feed the baby, the baby's cries etc, could stress the parents out and make them argue over who does what for the kid(s). Couples could also disagree when it comes to making decisions on what's best for the kids.
At times, kids themselves could play the two parents against each other and add fuel to the parenting fire. There could be situations where the kids would disobey a parent's order then look to the other parent for support or to bail them out. This could set the parents against each other if it's not well handled.
Parents should have the sole interest of their kids at mind when making decisions about them and should mutually agree upon what's best for the kids. Also, let the kids know your spouse's orders hold and must be obeyed just as yours.
SEX
Sex is one aspect of marriage that is very important. It bonds couple together and is seen as a form of expressing their love to each other. Sex is one thing you can't ask anybody to help you do for your spouse. You may hire a nanny to tend to the kids, a driver to drive you around, servants to take care of the house and run errands, but you won't dare hire anyone to help you sexually satisfy your spouse unless something is seriously wrong somewhere.
Sex has been discovered to be one of the main reasons couples fight, especially if they are not sexually compatible or if their sex drives do not match. When a spouse complains frequently about being too tired to have sex or not in the mood, this may not always go down well with the other spouse. Understanding is needed here as one spouse could feel left out and see the other spouse as being selfish.
Sexual incompatibility can easily lead to infidelity or a spouse cheating and once this is the case, it could lead to a bigger problem that may eventually break the marriage if it's not well handled.
The solution is for couple to talk about their sex life and see what can be done to redeem the situation. It may includes helping the other spouse out with some of his or her workloads or chores or lovingly compromising your desire till when it can be met. Both can also see a therapist or sex counselor to help align their libidos and minimize conflicts.
Whatever stage your marriage may be, you can't always prevent disagreements of some sort from happening, but you can learn how to deal with the situation with each of you airing your differences productively, sorting it out amicably and allowing it not to strain your marriage. Let your conflicts get you closer, make you to understand each other better and to love each other more despite the disagreements.
- Alasake
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